Sunday, August 31, 2008

Little Known Fact:


Little Known Fact: the Northern Lights are really just the reflection from Sarah Palin's eyes.

Little Known Fact: The Russians sold Alaska to America because Sarah Palin would not submit to autocracy.

Little Known Fact: The Arctic Circle runs through Alaska so the Sun can have some relief from Sarah Palin's bright glare.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin is allowed first dibs on Alaskan wolfpack kills.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin personally hog-tied two reps from Planned Parenthood who came knocking at her door.

Little Known Fact: It's not raining in DC. Those are God's tears of joy that McCain picked Sarah Palin.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin's hotness is the largest single contributor to melting polar ice caps.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin is the "other" whom Yoda spoke about.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin's presence in the lower 48 means the Arctic ice cap can finally return.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin kicks Chuck Norris' ass.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin's pageant career ended early so other women could have a chance.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin's son is going to Iraq after the Surge, because a Palin during the Surge would have been unfair.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin wears glasses lest her uncontrollable optic blasts slaughter everyone.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin knows how old the Chinese gymnasts are.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin will give birth to the man who will lead humanity's war against the machines.

Little Known Fact. Three of Sarah Palin's 5 kids came out sideways and she never flinched.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin is the missing Cylon.

Little Known Fact: Global Warming doesn't kill polar bears. Sarah Palin does. Generally with her bare hands.

Little known fact: Chuck Norris wishes he was Sarah Palin trapped in a man's body.

Little known fact: Sarah Palin once guided Santa's sleigh through an Alaskan blizzard with the light from her smile.

Little known fact: Sarah Palin fishes salmon by convincing them it's in their interest to jump into the boat.

Little known fact: Palin once won the Iditarod without any dogs. She simply willed the sled to victory.

Little known fact: Sarah Palin used to wrestle kodiak bears in Alaskan bare knuckles fight clubs.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin actually has Big Foot in her freezer.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin doesn't need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin keeps her hair in a beehive to hide her ninja weaponry.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin will send Biden a pre-debate cheat sheet. The sheet will have tips on defending against Kung Fu Death Grip.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin could not find a man good enough for her, so she built her husband from scratch using the DNA of Washington, Lee, Eisenhower, Churchill, Shun Tsu, and Genghis Khan.Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin isn’t allowed to wield the gavel at the convention because they’re afraid she’ll use it to kill liberals.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin once won a competitive eating contest by devouring three live caribou.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin once carved a perfect likeness of the Mona Lisa in a block of ice using only her teeth.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin will pry your Klondike bar from your cold dead fingers.

Little Known Fact: After the Sarah Palin pick, the Democratic National Committee was forced to retroactively rebrand their national convention theme to: “Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead”

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin drives a Zamboni to work.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin was kicked off Survivor for killing a man and eating his entrails.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin can divide by zero.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin poses more danger of creating world-destroying black holes than the Large Hadron Collidor.

Little known fact: Sarah Palin is the true name of the Child-Like Empress.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin's enemies are automatically added to the Endangered Species List.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin homeschools her kids because any of her offspring would be so supremely intelligent that she is the only teacher that could possibly challenge them.
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3 comments:

Char5 said...

ROFLOL, loved these. I knew there was something mystical about that woman. We are calling her "Racquel" around here; she looks a little like Racquel Welch did in her younger days. I especially liked the comment about her "laser-vision". Thanks for sharing.

Charlotte

Chris James said...

Good stuff.

Some of my family in KY would probably be willing to believe about 3/4 of these if they thought that it could somehow help beat Obama.

crystal said...

::snicker and snort:: at Chris!